Part of my training in seminary
includes a rotation in Clinical Pastoral Education,
or CPE.
Most often this means 6-8 weeks
as a hospital chaplain.
I did my rotation
at the University of Tennessee Medical Center,
a regional Trauma 1 Center,
meaning that we saw patients with the highest levels
of physical trauma.
It was my job as chaplain
to engage patients and their families
on the level of the spiritual trauma
that accompanies such physical illness and injury.
But when we were not in the emergency department
we made rounds among the floors of the 500-bed hospital.
I often had deep and meaningful conversation
with patients and families,
who were deeply grateful for our conversation
and surprised at just how helpful it was
to have the space to ask hard questions
of God
and of themselves.
But the hardest conversations to have,
where those conversations that we conducted
in what some have called “churchianity,”
the language we only speak to each other in church.
These folks had no questions
because they knew all the answers.
They would respond to the question,
“How are you today?”
with pat answers like,
“I’m saved,
sanctified,
and on my way to heaven, Praise God!”
They would quote chapter and verse from the bible,
claiming promises God made,
touting their work for last summer’s VBS,
or how they attended church three times a week.
They would stonewall any deeper questions
with their certainty that this ol’ body didn’t matter,
because they would have a new body in heaven.
So, I would thank them politely for their time,
tell them the nurse could page a chaplain
if needed,
and be on my way.
Our real work
was with patients who didn’t,
or couldn’t,
speak churchianity.
Like the mother whose daughter had survived the accident
that had killed her best friend and her boyfriend.
Or the 11-year-old boy,
who was the sole survivor of his family
because had been sleeping horizontally
in the third row of the van
when it went under the truck on I-75
and killed everyone in the other two rows.
Or the nurses who couldn’t keep it together
as they cared for a dying the 14-yo girl.
These people had questions.
These people wanted God to show up,
and show them mercy.
For some folks,
God, church, the scriptures, Religion
is about having all the answers.
It’s about showing up,
learning all the right things,
speaking the language,
obeying the commandments,
participating in the rites,
believing all the right things.
Then,
because we have said,
done,
believed all the right things,
we are rewarded with certainty,
security,
sanctity.
We trade right belief
for right relationship,
to God,
or the Church,
or the community,
pocket the receipt
and head out the door with a rote thank you.
We let our right relationship to these things
take the place of real relationship with
the God behind these things.
What Jesus promises
is that those who chose humility,
that those who,
like the tax collector,
realize that they have a real need
for something deeper
than any transaction can buy,
those are the ones who find what they were looking for.
Instead of a transaction,
Jesus offers us transformation.
Jesus invites our honesty,
our humility,
our desire for connection.
Jesus promises
that we can come to God,
to the Church,
to the Scriptures,
to the community of faith
and be real,
be honest,
have questions instead of answers,
doubt instead of certainty,
anxiety instead of security,
impiety instead of sanctity.
God requires nothing of us
to be in right relationship to us.
But God promises
that when we are in real relationship with God
we will be transformed.
Both the Pharisee and the tax collector
came to the temple that day
to pray.
They came to speak to God,
to be near the place God promised
to meet God’s people.
The Pharisee came to remind God
of all that he brought to the table,
and what he hoped to get for it.
He came to set himself apart,
to set himself above
“those” people,
who didn’t do as much for God,
didn’t speak the insider language,
those people who haven’t gotten it right.
But the tax collector comes with questions.
The tax collector comes
hoping not to be set apart from “those” people,
but to be set among God’s people,
to join the sparrows and the swallows
in finding a home at God’s altar.
The tax collector has come for relationship
with God and God’s people.
Like the Pharisee,
the tax collector knows what he brings to the table.
But unlike the Pharisee,
the tax collector is hoping that God will forget it.
The tax collector is not looking for a trade,
but for clemency,
for pardon,
for mercy.
The tax collector can’t even look up,
can’t stop beating himself up,
can’t help but feel the Pharisee’s disdain
and hoping it is not God’s.
Jesus says
that the tax collector
and not the Pharisee
went home justified.
But I wonder if he knew it.
And if he did,
I wonder how he knew it.
I wonder what it might take
for our churches
to become the sort of place
where tax collectors and sparrows,
Pharisees and swallows
find a home at God’s altar
together.
I wonder what it would take
for us to see ourselves
not as customers of God’s graces,
but as sinners standing shoulder to shoulder
before the seat of mercy.
I wonder what it would take
for our faith to bring us together
instead of setting us apart.
I wonder if it might not look more like AA;
if we might not see ourselves as sinners in recovery
instead of saints with no need for mercy.
The grace and mercy of God
is not a trophy for religious athletes
or a status symbol for the spiritually wealthy.
Rather,
grace and mercy are the very nature of God,
who desires to be in relationship with people
no matter how uncertain,
insecure,
or unholy they may be,
because God is transforming us by this relationship
to free us from our sin
and make us a home in God’s presence.
To God be the glory forever and ever.
Amen.