Some of you may know my story,
but for those unfamiliar with my journey
out of fundamentalism and evangelicalism,
I will recap briefly.
I have shared here before
that I grew up
in a tiny Baptist denomination
in Southern Appalachia.
At around age 2,
I began to spend every Saturday night
at my grandmother’s house
so that I could go to church with her on Sunday.
She became a place of refuge for me
over the course of my childhood,
and so did the church.
I met Jesus
and I learned the faith
in this church
and in my grandmother’s home.
By the time I started college,
I had developed a deep love
for the scriptures
and took my faith very seriously,
and as a result
I began to question
some of the things I had been taught.
The Jesus I knew
and the scriptures I read
led me to very different conclusions
that those of my church.
When I stopped reading the Bible
in the King James
and started reading a modern translation
these differences grew even broader,
and eventually,
my involvement with Campus Crusade,
which they considered a heretical organization,
became a breaking point,
and the church where I learned the faith
forced me to repent of my involvement
and affirm that the King James Version
as the only rule of faith and practice,
or I was “not qualified to be a member”
of the church.
At the time,
that choice seemed easy.
Follow the Jesus I had come to know,
even if it led me away for this church
that had been family to me,
or abandon my faith in this Jesus
in order to keep a truncated
and pernicious version of the faith.
So, I resigned my membership,
and began a long,
meandering spiritual journey
to find a tradition that resonated
with the Jesus I had always known.
Eventually,
I landed in the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America.
But I had not counted the cost.
Some years later,
while visiting my grandmother,
who had continued to attend the church I left,
we were having a conversation and,
I don’t remember what brought it up,
but I told her that I had discerned,
through prayer, study, and reading the scripture,
that I could no longer say the pledge of allegiance
without violating my conscience;
but that is a matter for another sermon.
My grandmother was shocked.
I had never seen her so disappointed in me before.
This was also the catalyst
for a conversation about many other ways
that the things I had come to believe
were a disappointment to her.
I was shocked at how hurt she seemed.
I was shocked at how hurt I felt.
I had left her church
with such hurt and righteous indignation
that I had not considered
how she had felt about my leaving.
My study and conviction,
my faith and my love for Jesus
were a direct result of her teaching and example.
I was still a Christian at all
because of her,
because of the way she embodied the faith,
the way that she had introduced me to Jesus
and not just handed me a Bible.
My continued faith
was an act of defiance
against all I had been told I had to believe
in order to be allowed to stay in the church.
I couldn’t reconcile the Jesus I knew
and this iteration of the faith that
to me
was taking the Name of Christ in vain.
But I hadn’t just left the church.
I had left my grandmother.
Where I had gone,
she couldn’t follow.
The cost of leaving was high,
but the cost of staying was higher.
I couldn’t keep Jesus
and the only place of safety and comfort
I had ever known.
I can imagine that she felt like
I had come to hate all she had tried to teach me;
that in rejecting her church
and its ideology,
I had rejected something fundamental about her.
I could see the heartbreak and confusion on her face,
emotions I wasn’t aware of causing before,
and certainly, had never intended.
When I counted the cost of leaving,
I hadn’t accounted for her grief.
In the coming months,
All Saints will begin to literally count the cost
of building new ministries
and rebuilding old ones.
We will give an accounting
of all the time, talent, and treasure
we will need to invest
to make sure that we are introducing this Jesus
to our neighbors and to each other.
We will ask,
“Who isn’t here?”
and we will find ways to invite and include
our neighbors in our life of faith.
And as we make this accounting,
we will have to ask;
Can we afford to build a ministry
that is more inclusive,
that doesn’t demand more of people
than they can give in order to be included?
Can we afford not to?
Can we afford to give up
our old ways of doing church,
the habits and traditions
that have shaped life together
and given them meaning?
Can we afford not to?
Can we let go of outdated models
of growth, membership, and engagement
and meet people where they are?
Can we afford not to?
Can we afford to stop thinking of church
as a destination at the end of the path toward faith
and begin to think of faith itself as a journey
and church as the rest areas along the path?
Can we afford not to?
Can we afford the time,
energy,
and money it will cost
to examine every aspect of our beliefs,
our practices,
our politics,
our preferences,
our principles,
and measure them by their faithfulness
and effectiveness,
measure them against Love?
Can we afford not to?
The book we have chosen
for our book study this fall
asks some of these questions.
Do I Stay Christian?
is a question many have asked,
perhaps in your own families.
Maybe from my story,
you can relate more to my grandmother
than to me.
This book will examine many of the reasons
that people answer no.
This will likely be uncomfortable.
The invitation is to lean into that discomfort,
to learn empathy from it,
to risk asking ourselves what part we may have played
in some of those reasons,
and to begin the work of repentance.
Then we will examine the reasons we have to stay,
to say yes to this question,
growing in our ability to articulate those reasons.
And finally,
we will discuss how we can grow into
the kind of community that invites others
to say yes too.
Eventually,
my grandmother and I reconciled,
and we were able to talk about the scriptures,
differences in interpretation,
theological insight,
and grow in mutual respect.
I wouldn’t say I won a convert,
but I don’t think she would say
she lost a grandson, either.
The cost of following this Jesus
is often high.
There is no discipleship
that is not marked by the Cross.
It will cost us home,
family,
security,
time,
money,
even our very lives.
But for every cross we bear
there is a resurrection.
God does not call us to faith
to destroy us,
any more than God calls us to faith
to protect us from every discomfort.
God calls us to choose life,
and Jesus leads us to the cross.
Discipleship, then,
is the choice
of the life that only comes after the cross,
the life that is marked by scars and healing,
not safety and health.
Discipleship is the path of transformation,
the path of life, death, and resurrection,
the path that brings babies to a symbolic burial in baptism
and celebrates our founder’s last meal,
to promise us that death is not final,
and discomfort cannot be avoided.
The cost will be high,
we will have to account for our discomfort,
for our grief.
But we can also account
for the life that only comes after such discomfort
and grief.
The question is not
can we afford to grow and change,
to bear the discomfort
or to grieve the losses that will come.
The question is,
Can we afford not to?
Amen.