The Holy Gospel according to St. Matthew, the 14th chapter:
Now when Jesus heard [about the beheading of John the Baptist], he withdrew from there in a boat to a deserted place by himself. But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns. When he went ashore, he saw a great crowd; and he had compassion for them and cured their sick. When it was evening, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a deserted place, and the hour is now late; send the crowds away so that they may go into the villages and buy food for themselves.” Jesus said to them, “They need not go away; you give them something to eat.” They replied, “We have nothing here but five loaves and two fish.” And he said, “Bring them here to me.” Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven, and blessed and broke the loaves, and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds. And all ate and were filled; and they took up what was left over of the broken pieces, twelve baskets full. And those who ate were about five thousand men, besides women and children.
This is the gospel of the Lord.
Please pray with me.
Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful and kindle in us the fire of your love. Send forth your Spirit and we shall be created, and you shall renew the face of the earth. O God, who by the light of the Holy Spirit instructs the hearts of the faithful, grant that by that same Holy Spirit we may be truly wise and ever rejoice in your consolation, through Christ our Lord.
Amen.
Hunger was a big part of my childhood.
I don’t remember
that we were ever in danger
of actually starving,
but there were many nights
when we simply didn’t have enough to eat.
We were a Food Stamps and WIC family,
and both always seemed to run out
before the month did.
My Dad worked hard
to make all the money he could,
and served in the TN National Guard,
but even with both incomes
we were always broke.
We had an oil furnace
and could usually only afford to heat the house
about half of the winter.
We wore hand-me-down clothes and shoes,
given to us by friends and neighbors
in giant black trash bags
that landed with the same thud
and impatient anticipation
as Santa’s sack.
At school,
we were among the many kids
who ate free and reduced breakfast and lunch
every day.
No gleaming HeMan
or Ninja Turtles lunch box for me.
No snak-pak puddings,
no dunkaroos,
no Little Debbies.
We free lunch kids
got canned vegetables
cooked beyond recognition,
mystery meat,
and almost always corn.
Once in a while,
we had pizza
or tacos,
but mostly it was the kind of foods
I saw old people eat
and not kids.
Then one day,
one of those giant black trash bags
filled with clothes and shoes,
yielded a lunch box with matching Thermos.
I couldn’t wait
to join the ranks of those lucky kids
who brought their lunch.
I remember one morning,
waiting on the school bus,
and near tears as I pleaded with my mother
to pack my lunch
in this glorious new lunch box
so I could climb the social ladder.
As I neared a tantrum,
Mom argued that she had nothing
to put in a lunch box.
I persisted,
and not wanting to put a screaming child on the school bus,
Mom bargained.
She had a single banana she could send.
I assured her that was fine,
she filled the Thermos with water,
put the banana in the lunch box,
the lunch box in my hand,
and sent me off to school.
I felt like I had won a small victory,
until lunch time.
When everyone else opened their lunches
they pulled out their Dunkaroos and Little Debbies
I opened my Thermos of water
and ate my banana.
The lunch box alone
had not earned me the social currency
that being able to pack my lunch in it
would have.
I can still feel the embarrassment.
And now as a parent,
I cannot imagine how my mother
must have felt,
struggling to feed a child
ungrateful for the abundance of food within my reach.
I wonder now,
if I ate her lunch that day
because I didn’t want the free one.
I was hungry for something
food wouldn’t satisfy.
I took the food for granted,
and starved for belonging.
I remember another time
when the food
and the means to get any
had run out.
We kids had
scoured the refrigerator
and the cabinets repeatedly,
and we couldn’t find anything.
We had been hungry before,
but we had not in my memory,
been really hungry.
We usually had something.
Even if it wasn’t quite enough to satisfy,
it would usually stop our stomachs from growling
for a few hours.
But this night,
things seemed dire.
I really thought we would go without food.
Mom scoured the same fridge
and the same cabinets
and found things we couldn’t.
She found self-rising flour
and shortening.
Her mother was quite adept
at making biscuits,
but Mom had never quite gotten the hang of it.
But this was our only option,
so it had to work,
or at least be edible.
She measured,
and mixed,
and rolled,
and cut,
and baked.
And we ate the best biscuits
I’ve ever had.
They were perfect.
Mom had made something to eat
out of nothing.
That was the first time
I ever remember feeling grateful
for the food I ate.
I went to bed full of bread
and wonder
and gratitude.
To this day,
I cannot eat a biscuit
without feeling that same sense of gratitude.
All of this makes me think
of the crowds in our gospel lesson for today.
When 5000 people
followed Jesus and his disciples
to this grassy place
across the sea,
it seems like no one thought to pack a lunch.
Was loaves and fishes
the Dunkaroos and Little Debbies of the day?
Or was it more like a lone banana
and a Thermos of water?
As the disciples took stock,
were they as anxious, hungry, and hopeless
as I had been looking at flour and shortening?
Was the one who did pack a lunch
scared to share it
because it was all they had?
Was someone at home
worried about what they’d eat that day,
ashamed they couldn’t send more?
Or did someone grab this snack
on the way out the door,
knowing it would never be missed?
When Jesus took that food
and thanked God for it
were they surprised at their own gratitude?
When they ate and were satisfied,
did they marvel
that Jesus had created something from nothing?
Did they take some leftovers for their Mom?
Jesus had filled their stomachs
and satisfied their desire for a miracle.
He had seen their sickness
and healed them.
He had seen their hunger
and fed them.
All while grappling with his own grief,
with his own exhaustion,
with his own hunger.
Jesus had come here
to grieve the loss of his friend and cousin.
He had come here to get away.
And he had been followed.
And instead of sending the crowds away,
instead of asking for a nap or a snack first,
Jesus had compassion.
Compassion is not to be confused with pity,
with altruism,
or with mercy.
Compassion means literally
co-passion,
to suffer with.
Jesus did not look on the sick and hungry crowd
with pity or mercy.
Jesus did not allow his own grief
to create a barrier between him and the needy crowd.
Jesus met the crowd
and suffered with them.
Jesus,
in his own grief and exhaustion,
shared in their suffering.
He did not find his own pain
as a good excuse to avoid the pain of others.
Jesus found his own grief
as the threshold,
as the entryway to a common experience,
and in that understanding
Jesus became what Henri Nouwen called
a wounded healer.
And though the disciples are hungry and tired,
Jesus tells them to follow suit.
He says,
“you give them something to eat.”
Jesus says,
“I’ve had compassion,
now it’s your turn.
Bring me all you have
and I’ll make it more than you need.”
Jesus came to fill our stomachs
and show us a deeper hunger
that only Jesus can fill.
We want a Junk Food Jesus
to bring us social standing,
to make us part of the in-crowd,
to bring us health, wealth, and power.
We want a cross
we can wear like a logo,
and not the suffering of crucifixion.
We want a Jesus we can worship
and not a Jesus we have to follow.
We want a belly full of bread
and not heart full of gratitude.
We want a Jesus who will rescue us from suffering,
not call us deeper into it.
And yet,
Jesus suffers with us
and calls us to follow.
Jesus calls us to listen to that deeper hunger,
and feed our neighbors;
to find that appetite for belonging,
and create a community that draws the margins
to the center;
to feel that craving for security,
and to wage peace in a world at war.
Jesus calls us to give up our Junk Food Messiahs,
all marketing and no substance,
and to become wounded healers,
blessed and broken for the life of the world.
Jesus is calling us to feel our deepest hungers
and feed our neighbor,
in body and soul,
and when we bring all we have
we will find that we have more than enough.
We have the body of Christ,
blessed and broken,
something out of nothing.
And we will be satisfied.
Amen.