Foolish Wisdom.
I was in a band called Foolish Wisdom.
I say “a band,”
but really
it was me and Jeremiah,
my best friend,
roommate,
“hetero-lifemate”
to borrow a phrase from Jay and Silent Bob.
We wrote and performed—
even live recorded—
a set of contemporary Christian songs.
We were certain
that our theology was correct
and we were eager to add our perspective
to the Christian songbook.
I cannot find the recording,
nor any of the lyrics,
but I definitely remember
writing a song that made allusion
to the hypostatic union of Christ
as articulated by the Chalcedonian formulae
and to the concept of kenosis—
Koine Greek for emptying—
in the Christ hymn
of the second chapter of Philippians.
Heady stuff for contemporary Christian music.
Some 20 years later,
I am certain we got the “foolish” part right.
I'm less sure about the wisdom of popular music
as a vehicle for the exposition of Christological controversy
and Pauline hermeneutics.
What I was really doing
was grieving.
I have just been kicked out
of my fundamentalist church
for what I believed.
I was searching for answers to my questions
and learning a whole new world
of theology and history
previously obscured by those
who had taught me to “guard my worldview”
against such things because
“it would just confuse” me.
These same people
called what I was doing
engaging with the wisdom of this age,
leaving the “old time religion”
in favor of the “philosophy and empty deceit”
Paul warned against.
In reality,
I was using my mind
to think about my faith
and the formulae I had been given
weren't adding up.
My questions were met with authority—
the authority of the tradition
of King-James-only fundamentalism
and a “literal” interpretation of the Bible
we believed to be infallible—
instead of compassion and education.
I had found myself on the outside—
outside my culture,
outside my community,
and to some degree,
outside my own family.
There is now a term
for what I was doing,
what I continue to do to this day.
Deconstruction.
I was intentionally examining
everything I had been taught—
as, ironically, I was taught to do—
and the answers to my questions
were making me angry.
I was angry
that I hadn’t been given a worldview,
but blinders to the world as it exists.
Angry that I had been warned
that history and theology
were dangerous to my faith
instead of dangerous to their interpretation of the faith.
Angry that the Jesus I had come to know
because of their witness and example
felt like a prisoner
in a leatherbound book
with gilded edges.
Angry that the bigger,
more inclusive,
more loving,
God of the Scriptures
had somehow cut me off
from friends and family,
from home and community.
I had found in the study
of history and theology
a God worth worshiping,
a faith that could bear my questions,
a truth in the Scriptures
worth giving my life to.
But I had learned to fight
like a fundamentalist
and I was ready to defend
my newfound conviction.
These songs we wrote,
for me,
were a protest against my exclusion
and an assertion of my belonging
within a tradition
that was older, deeper, richer
that the one I had left.
I was convinced
that I was wise
and they were foolish.
I was trying to avoid my grief,
any sense of sadness,
any sense of weakness,
any possibility of critique,
of debate,
of uncertainty.
I was right,
they were wrong,
end of discussion.
But I was the fool.
Grief cannot be avoided.
Grief can be unacknowledged.
Grief can make your anger feel righteous.
Grief can make you feel like a martyr,
instead of a victim.
But grief cannot be avoided.
When Jesus begins his sermon on the mount,
he teaches his disciples,
“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
those who mourn,
the meek,
those who yearn for justice,
the merciful,
the pure in heart,
the persecuted.”
What the New Revised Version
has translated as “blessed,”
is closer in Greek
to “happy.”
But it is the sort of happiness
reserved for those who dwell among the gods,
euphoria,
a bliss that comes from proximity
to divinity.
This makes Jesus’ words
seem like a contradiction.
The poor in spirit
are anything but happy.
Those who mourn
are not experiencing beatific bliss.
Those who hunger and thirst for justice
certainly haven’t arrived at this yearning
from dwelling in divine splendor.
I think Jesus’ invitation to the disciples then,
and to us now,
is to embrace our grief.
We do not find happiness
by rapturous escape
from all that assails us in this life,
but by the discovery that in our grief,
God dwells with us.
God in Christ
has made a home with us,
within us.
Our proximity to divinity
includes our grief,
our poverty of spirit,
our mourning,
our meekness,
our yearning after justice,
our mercy,
our purity of heart,
our peacemaking with this reality.
This foolish wisdom is the message of the cross,
a stumbling block to religious superiority
and foolishness to the grieving.
We do not find transcendence
to overcome this life.
We find transcendence
but by undergoing all that comes with this life.
The message of the cross
is not a precept to be believed,
but the invitation
to experience and embrace reality
as it is.
This message,
foolish as it sounds,
does indeed save us,
rescue us,
liberate us,
not from this life,
but to live this life
with all its grief and sorrow,
joy and exultation,
trusting that this cross has not had the final word,
that sin, death, and the devil have been defeated,
and that even in our grief
God dwells among us.
Hear again the promises of Jesus:
Happy are those who find God
hidden in their poverty of spirit,
for they have entered the Reign of God.
Happy are those who find God
hidden in their grief,
for they will not grieve alone.
Happy are those who find God
hidden in their humility,
for they will obtain the world.
Happy are those who find God
hidden in the struggle for justice,
for they will have it.
Happy are those who find God
hidden in the exercise of mercy,
for they have revealed the generosity of God.
Happy are those who find God
hidden in simplicity of heart,
for they have learned to see God
in the heart of all things.
Happy are those who find God
hidden in the work of a just peace,
for this is God’s family business.
Happy are those who find God
hidden in all the places
we were warned God would never go,
all the places we were told God had abandoned,
all the places the Church maligned;
happy are those who had to leave the Church,
the faith,
their family,
their community
to find the source of their life in Christ Jesus,
who has become wisdom from God,
and righteousness,
and holiness,
and redemption.
Great is the reward on the other side of grief.
Amen.